If you’d asked me in law school what success looked like, I would’ve told you it was about having my name on the side of a building. That’s what success meant when I was growing up: status, recognition, power. The kind of success you could point to from the freeway.
That was the scoreboard I grew up measuring myself against. Money. Titles. Applause. Busyness. The kind of scoreboard that rewards how much you produce, not how deeply you live. But somewhere between trying to chase it and trying not to fall apart, I started to realize that I wasn’t playing the same game as everyone else, and maybe I didn’t want to.
The Moment Everything Shifted
The turning point came one random afternoon in law school. I was sitting in the little foyer outside the dean’s office, waiting for a meeting. An alumnus (one of those “made it” types with his name etched in marble) was chatting with the assistant dean.
He’d just come out of the restroom and mentioned the flyers taped up in there. They were about mental health and addiction recovery resources for law students. He laughed and said something like, “If I knew someone who’d ever called one of those numbers, I’d never hire them.”
I remember sitting there, stunned. This was supposed to be the model of success – money, power, prestige. But if success meant losing your compassion, I didn’t want it.
That was the day I stopped feeling broken for not wanting what everyone else wanted. I realized I wasn’t defective. I just wanted something different.
The Old Scoreboard vs. The New One
My old scoreboard said success was about having. Having wealth. Having status. Having approval.
My new scoreboard says success is about becoming. Becoming the kind of person my family can depend on. Becoming generous. Becoming someone who leaves people better than I found them.
It’s not that money doesn’t matter. It absolutely does. But it’s not the measure anymore. My scoreboard changed from how much I can earn to how much I can impact. From how full my calendar is to how full my heart feels at the end of the day.
When I live by this new scoreboard, success feels different in my body. It’s lighter. Calmer. There’s more peace, more joy, more room to breathe.
Defining the Values That Make the Rules
I’ve learned that success without values is just speed without direction. So I had to define mine.
For me, the top values are freedom, growth, happiness, integrity, and thoughtfulness.
- Freedom means the ability to choose how I show up. To take my kids to school, to take a day off when they’re sick, to not panic about spending $100 at the grocery store.
- Growth means staying obsessed with becoming better. Not richer or busier, but wiser, more intentional, more grounded.
- Happiness means choosing joy, even when life hurts. Not the fleeting kind that comes from good news or a funny meme, but the deep, steady kind that stays even when things fall apart.
- Integrity means doing the harder right instead of the easier wrong.
- Thoughtfulness means slowing down enough to care. About people, about how I show up, about what kind of ripple effect I’m leaving.
These values make the rules for how I live. And following them doesn’t always make life easier, but it always makes life better.
The Trade-Offs That Are Worth It
Living aligned with your values has trade-offs. You’ll be tempted to compromise when the “easier wrong” looks convenient. You’ll have moments where you think, Maybe I should just do what everyone else is doing.
But here’s the truth: every time I’ve ignored my values, I’ve paid for it. Not in dollars, but in peace.
When I chase someone else’s version of success, I lose sleep. I lose presence. I lose joy.
When I slow down and live by my own values, I regain all of that. I feel aligned again. I trust myself again.
That’s the real trade – short-term comfort versus long-term contentment.
The Cost of Chasing the Wrong Dream
During my first year of law school, I worked like my life depended on it. I believed the myth that if I just suffered long enough, it would all pay off later.
I sacrificed sleep, weekends, and presence with my family because that’s what everyone said you were supposed to do. Then, during my second semester, one of my professors said something that hit me like a ton of bricks:
“If you don’t want that life, don’t fight for it.”
It stopped me cold.
If I didn’t want the life that came with the big firm — the 80-hour weeks, the constant pressure, the endless comparison — then why was I fighting for it?
So I slowed down. I started treating law school like a day job. I came home at night. I spent time with my family. I started sleeping again. And I found something I hadn’t felt in years: peace.
That was the moment I realized that chasing the wrong dream costs more than it’s worth.
Connection Over Competition
When I opened my own law firm years later, I did it differently.
I wasn’t chasing prestige anymore. I was chasing connection.
At networking events, I’d walk into a room full of people in suits shaking hands — and I’d get 25 hugs. Because people knew I cared. I didn’t just want their business; I wanted to know them.
A friend once joked that he was the CPA with a personality, and I was the lawyer with a heart. I’ll take that title any day.
I remember one client battling cancer who couldn’t keep food down. A month after we finished their planning, I dropped off a case of bottled water and a few boxes of Crystal Light — just because. No invoice, no strings attached.
That’s what success feels like now. Light. Joyful. Meaningful.
The Dad Life That Redefined Everything
There’s a saying I live by: If my job ever costs me my marriage, it costs too much.
A few years ago, when one of my daughters had surgery, I took a few days off to be with her. I could’ve worked from my home office while she recovered. But instead, I sat on the edge of her bed, held her hand, and just was there.
That’s the kind of success you can’t measure on a spreadsheet.
And funny enough, I’ve never regretted the moments I chose my family over my inbox — but I’ve regretted every time I didn’t.
When I live in alignment with that value — family first — everything else starts to make sense.
Even Heroes Get It Wrong Sometimes
The first half of The Incredibles hits me every time. Bob Parr used to save lives and stop disasters. He loved being a hero. But when superheroes were outlawed, he ended up working at an insurance company, denying claims instead of saving people.
He was miserable — not because the job was bad, but because it wasn’t his. He was living someone else’s definition of success.
We do the same thing. We trade what makes us come alive for what makes us look successful.
But the truth is, your life doesn’t have to look impressive to be meaningful. It just has to be aligned.
Wins, Wobbles, and the Practice of Alignment
This weekend, I had one of those moments that tested me. I’d planned to spend Saturday catching up on a work project. But on the way to the kids’ volleyball game, my wife mentioned a few houses she wanted to tour — just for fun.
Old me would’ve said, “Let’s go next week.”
Aligned me said, “Let’s get lunch and make a day of it.”
We spent the whole afternoon together, dreaming, laughing, and wandering through model homes. I didn’t get my work done — but I gained something better: a memory.
Then, the next morning, that old voice crept in: You should’ve worked. You’re behind.
That’s when I had to stop and remind myself — I didn’t drop the ball. I just moved it to where it mattered most.
That’s the work of alignment: remembering what you said was important, even when it’s inconvenient.
Try This This Week
If you’re feeling the pull between what you should do and what truly matters, try this:
- Pick one value-based rule to keep this week — something simple that moves the needle for you.
- Take one 10-minute action aligned with that value. Something small, but intentional.
- Set one boundary using the “bottom line up front” approach: “I can’t take that on right now, but here’s what I can do instead.”
You don’t need to rewrite your whole life overnight. You just need to take the next clear enough step.
Success isn’t about playing someone else’s game better than they can. It’s about changing the scoreboard — and then playing your own game with heart.
When you do, life feels lighter. Work feels purposeful. And success finally starts to look like you.
Want help redefining success for yourself?
📘 Download my free worksheet, Transform Your Work-Life Balance.
🎧 Listen to the full episode on Clear Enough with Drew Bushman
📲 Follow along daily for more stories and tools on Instagram @clear.enough