Crafting a Life Beyond Job Titles: Pursuing Passion, Purpose, and Financial Success
Hey reader,
I have always hated the question: “What do you want to be when you grow up?”
I hate that we ask kids to put themselves into a box at six, seven, or eight years old and try to decide to define their lives by their jobs. I don’t know if anyone has ever been able to study the lifetime outcomes of children who are asked “What do you want to do when you grow up?” instead of being asked what they want to “be”. I bet it would break our hearts when we found out that we are setting our children up to live hollow lives defined by the jobs they have and not the content of their character or the good deeds that they do for their families and communities.
What do you imagine your children would say if you asked them what they wanted to do growing up? Would they say that they want to spend 60-hour weeks in the office playing politics and working with clients that they hate – only so that they could spend 4 weeks a year on the beach in Italy and Mexico? Would they say that they want to work a dead-end job for people who treat them like garbage – only to go home and sit at the table wondering how they will pay their bills this week?
Or would they say they want to ride ponies? Or play with Legos? Or go to space?
No kid says that they want to be an astronaut because of the prestige and compensation. They say that they want to be an astronaut because the idea of going to space is cool. They don’t say that they want to be a firefighter because of the pension or the sense of belonging with their team. They want to be firefighters because firefighters help people and are heroes and they want to be helpers and heroes, too.
I have a distinct memory of being asked this question as a little kid. All the other little boys wanted to be firefighters or astronauts – I wanted to be a dad. And I get to live my dream every day. But most people don’t.
I wanted to “be” a dad because my birth dad was my hero. He was a farmer, which meant that we could spend time with him at work. We’d take turns riding on the tractor with him if he was out working. If he was in the shop, several of us would go hang out there. On Sunday mornings he’d make waffles and on Sunday afternoons we’d have wrestling matches after his afternoon nap. He wasn’t without his flaws, but he died before I got to know too many of them. So, I only remember the mostly good stuff. I wanted to be just like him – a dad.
After he died, I realized how messed up my family was. And we went through it (that’s a story for another time). I came from a profoundly broken family and I knew how profoundly broken I was. So, of course, the next thing I wanted to “be” when I grew up was a therapist. I wanted to help people understand their struggles and overcome them. I wanted to understand why my family and I were so broken so that I could help other people avoid those pitfalls. But by the time I went back to school, my wife and I had two children and we hoped to have two or three more. And we realized we couldn’t provide our family with the lifestyle we wanted as a therapist, so I needed a new dream. One that was a little more lucrative than a therapist.
I decided that I wanted to “be” a lawyer – because the other name for “attorney” is “counselor.” I could help people through incredibly trying life experiences, help them make important decisions in the best way possible, and make a bunch of money doing it. I could provide for my family and still make a difference. But in law school, I saw all of the unsavory parts of being a lawyer. The long hours, toxic working environments, the bad clients, the terrible bosses, the sleazy tactics. Most lawyers I know are honest and good people – but a few rotten apples poison the bunch.
But I knew I couldn’t “be” a lawyer like everyone else. I was going to “do” legal work, but I was going to “be” a dad, and a leader, and a helper, and a counselor. And I ran my firm that way. I provided legal services, but I did it in a way that felt authentic and meaningful to me, not how a lawyer is “supposed to do it.” I gave my clients hugs. I cried with them. I gave gift baskets of things that I loved, and I tried to bring joy and light with me wherever I went. I worked my butt off to ensure that all of my clients, colleagues, and referral partners knew who I was, not just what I did or how I did it. And I worked with people who wanted an attorney like that.
I didn’t jive with some people. And that was okay. If they didn’t like my purple business cards or my casual style, then we probably wouldn’t have gotten along very well anyway. And the few people that I tried to help who didn’t love working with me caused me more heartache and stress than the rest of my clients combined.
You don’t have to be like me to find clients and customers who love working with you. But you absolutely won’t find them if you are trying to be like someone else.
So, instead of being an “assistant”, a “teacher”, or a “lawyer”, try being a person who assists, teaches, or provides legal services.
Ask the children in your life what they want to “do” when they grow up.
But more importantly, ask yourself who you want to “be” when you grow up.
Stop pretending to be your job title, and start being you. The world has enough financial advisors. It needs more of you.
It’s gonna be great,
Drew